Friday
TOR: Morrow (10-6, 4.27 ERA)
NYY: Nova (1-0, 1.93 ERA)

Saturday
TOR: Rzepczynski (1-3, 6.03 ERA)
NYY: Vazquez (10-9, 4.86 ERA)

Sunday
TOR: Cecil (11-7, 3.74 ERA)
NYY: Hughes (16-6, 4.10 ERA)

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Number ten, you think Bonds, Sosa and McGuire are dirty cheats but Clemens is an "all natural" hardworking ‘nice guy’

Number nine despite a dreadful economy, you think a 200 million dollar payroll isn’t nearly enough

Number eight if Steve Bartman interfered with a Yankee playoff game, you'd think he should be wearing cement shoes at the bottom of the east river. Hee hee hee. Just drop em’ right in there. splash…
“drop him in Dave, let him sleep with the fishes”
Sleep with the fishes Paul, sleep with the fishes. Hee hee. Who writes this stuff?

Number seven you rely on the argument that the Yankees won 27 world championships even though you weren’t alive for 20 of them.

Number six you spend 3 hrs in the parking lot tailgating, only to make it into the stadium in the 6th inning with a beer in your hand spilling all over and you keep asking everyone what has happened in the game so far.

Number five, you wear shirts with tough guy sayings like Buck Foston, but can't back any of it up if you had to fight.

Number four, you are over the age of 14, but insist on bringing your baseball glove while sitting in the upper deck. "You know Paul, I kind of like sitting in the upper deck. Feel like I'm closer to the Babe up there" Ha ha he---O.

Number three, you think Alfredo Aceves is an Italian pasta dish.

Number Two, you do the wave and while your doing it, realize you have missed most of the game.

and the Number One reason you are a terrible Yankees fan... You only know Bernie Williams as that guy who plays the guitar and has his own Jazz CD.

(Band starts playing)

Attention Ladies and Gentleman,

Friday's game between the Yankees and Blue Jay's will be Hurricane Earl Day at the Stadium. Each fan in attendance will receive windburn, a cold and drenched clothing with the price of admission.

As the first hurricane of the season approaches New York City, Yankee officials aren't taking any chances. Charles Toast is head of operations with the Yankees and focuses on natural disasters. He and his team will be bracing for the worst possible scenario.

"This sucker is going to come in like a Lion and going out like an Emu" he said.

We weren't sure what that even means, but it doesn't sound good. Lions are ferocious animals and Emu's look like they can peck a lot, which isn't good for people who don't like to be pecked.

With all of the press and buzz surrounding Earl, our news crew was called into action. We wanted more details, so we turned to the Yankees meteorologist Calvin Celsius and asked him what the chances were of Earl hitting the stadium.

"We have a 50% chance of maybe getting hit with the most devastating storm that has ever hit NYC." he said. "I am guessing this bad boy will reach a category 7 in the next 3 minutes. There is also a 22% chance that it won't be hitting NYC, in which case we may see a sunny day or a rainy one" said Celsius.

We don't speak weatherman jive, but we can only assume this is serious and Charles Toast agrees.

Charles Toast explains how he is preparing the Stadium.

"I called a press conference at 9:30am to get things going. I told the staff to stock up on canned hot dogs, canned hamburgers, canned milk shakes, canned fries, canned sausage, canned pretzels and canned cotton Candy." He said. "I want to make sure we are all stocked up on the essentials for our fans in the event of a catastrophe. We got the greatest fans in the world"

He forgot canned pizza, but we didn't say anything.

"We will be flooding the infield with water on Thursday night. This way, the hurricane will think it already got us." Toast continued.

We thought about it and asked if he really thought all of this prep was necessary. If it was really that bad out, wouldn't they just cancel the game?

"Sir we are here to assume we are moving forward with the game no matter what. That is a very good point though. Let me get back to you on that one." Celsius said with a concerned look on his face.

We will keep you posted on the latest Earl news.

On a side note: We were shocked that there was actually such a thing as canned Hamburgers.

It's that time again folks. Put down your Pens, ignore your boss and let's get into some Balboni Brain Teaser Trivia. Good Luck.

Which Yankee hit the last home run in the old Yankee Stadium in 2008?

The answers will be in the comments section later today, if someone puts it there or we will post it.

Want more trivia? Check out previous trivia questions that were on our blog.

(Trivia Question #1)
(Trivia Question #2)
(Trivia Question #3)
(Trivia Question #4)

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About us:

We have met some incredible people while volunteering at fundraisers that help researchers find a cure for ALS. The resiliency that we see in the people who fight this disease on a daily basis is amazing.

We want to do our part and make sure that the money we raise skips the middle man organization and goes directly to help fund research.

A portion of all proceeds go to help find a cure for ALS (Lou Gehrig's Disease). For all products sold, a donation will be made directly to the Hospital for Special Surgery in NYC. Their Mission is very simple. Find a cure for ALS.

We are building our own "section" called Section 4. We want you to stand together in our section against this horrible disease. The 4 represents the # worn by Lou Gehrig and reminds us of his courage.

We have created shirts and wristbands and will be rolling out more products in the near future.

Please click here to see our products.

We are still trying to find out: who actually cares if Roger Clemens lied, why he highlights his hair at age 50, what's up with the used car salesman tie and why does he continuously lick his lips when he talks?

The facts that we already know about Clemens are obvious.

1.) He used Steroids, HGH, B12 Shots, Calves Plasma and Woman's One a-Day vitamins.
2.) He needs chap stick.
3.) He is stubborn and claims that the 214 eye witnesses that claim he did steroids are the one's lying, not him.
4.) He is responsible for the biggest sports call Suzyn Waldman has ever made on the radio, which led us to believe that she may also be taking testosterone.

With all of the proof out there, he still claims that he is not guilty, which is not only ridiculous, but borderline laughable. He might as well have sprayed the judge in the face with a bottle of seltzer while riding a unicycle wearing big red shoes. He is already wearing a bozo tie, so why not?

Apparently Clemens reiterated that he hasn't used PED's of any kind. He went on to say that he also believes in the Easter Bunny, Santa Clause, all politicians, a used car salesman, Sammy Sosa, Pinocchio, the tooth ferry, Brian McNamee and Barry Bonds.

He later took back that he believes McNamee, after realizing that McNamee is devastating to his case.

He also went on record to say that Jose Canseco has no credibility and all of his claims should be considered as false.

We looked into his claims against Canseco, and even though Jose is a fool, he happened to be 120% accurate in his statements.

We were still unsure, so we decided to get an unbiased opinion from another source. We wanted to ask Mindy McCready (Who Clemen's had an affair with when she was 15 yr's old) about Roger's credibility, but she couldn't be reached for comment. (We broke this news story 7th see here)

I mean how could he possibly be guilty? He's such a stand up guy.

Monday
OAK: Cahill (14-5, 2.43 ERA)
NYY: Moseley (4-2, 4.53 ERA)

Tuesday
OAK: Mazzaro (6-6, 3.61 ERA)
NYY: Hughes (15-6, 4.12 ERA)

Wednesday
OAK: Anderson (3-5, 3.32 ERA)
NYY: Burnett (9-12, 5.17 ERA)

Thursday
OAK: Braden (9-9, 3.28 ERA)
NYY: Sabathia (18-5, 3.14 ERA)

Andy Pettitte, who has been out since mid July with a strained groin, said Sunday that he might be ready to return in two weeks.

"This is great news." said Ernie Spankberg, the rumored strengthening and conditioning coach. "Andy has been working out with the Shake Weight to build up his strength. Since he hasn't been able to run much, we wanted to make sure he was still getting his cardio in." He said.

Where did you get the idea of using the Shake Weight , we asked...

"I was up late one night watching one of my stories and all of a sudden this commercial pops up of some babe using the Shake Weight." he explained. "I thought this would be perfect. It looked like a normal, non-embarrassing, fun product and it appeared to work very well in the commercial. I know Andy needed some cardio, so it only made complete sense."

Pettitte threw a 35 pitch bullpen session Sunday and said it's the best he's felt on the mound since going on the DL. I'm sure it did.

"I feel good,'' Pettitte said. "My arm bounced back big-time today. It was a good day. If I was going to grade it (on a 1 to 10 scale), I'd say my arm felt like a 9 today.''

His arm bounced back that fast? Hmmm. Could it have been from the intense work out of the Shake Weight?

"Of course." said Ernie. "What else could could have gotten him back so fast?" If you are curious to see how this exercise gadget works, (See Here)

Yankees manager Joe Girardi also seemed happy, and agreed that Pettitte could return in two weeks.

"We're going to have to maybe build him up here a little bit,'' Girardi said, noting that the minor-league season ends in a week. "There might come a point where it's hard to find games for him to pitch in except up here. This might be the only game in town.''

This product has become so popular that Berkman and Aceves each took one home.

We didn't want to get the details.

Bronx Goblin is teaming up with (Shatterproof Clothing) to host the 2nd Annual Bar night at Finnerty's in NYC.

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We listened in closely to Girardi's response to the potential Cub's managerial position and we weren't buying his answers. Read Girardi's response to the Chicago newspaper's claim that he is the man for the Cub's manager job.

“I didn’t read it,” Girardi said. “I’m a Sudoku guy.”

"There are people in this organization who have done a lot more for this organization than I have who don't have contracts. We're not worried about it for next year. I'm worried about right now."

Wow, great way to handle those questions Joe. You sounded great, but we ran your press conference by our newly hired "Bull Crap" translator Sammy Speechmin and he has a different take on your answers.

See what he has to say.

Girardi's answers translated into their meaning by Sammy Speechmin:

"Did I read the Chicago paper? F-Yea. How cool is that. I already pretty much have a job offer in my home town. It's freaking awesome."

"Mo and Jeet's have been with the Yankees for a long time and they are freaking out too. Show us the money. What is the big deal? We want job security."

More on Girardi

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